Honestly, I think this second post is going to be more difficult than the first. I've spent a good deal of time between that one and now thinking about how I want this blog to look. See that? How I want this blog to look. It's not about me. God has stuff to say, and it's going to spill out throughout this blog. It's not about my words.
Maybe I'll start with a disclaimer about what this blog is not going to be, or at least what I don't think it will be...
1 - It's not going to be a sob-story about a break up. Believe me, as I was writing that first post I wanted to over-analyze to my heart's content about whether or not to explain that the blessing that was in my life was a person or just leave it as a mystery. But I feel that it's important to explain some of the background. God used this person. I can't deny that. To deny that would be to take a huge part out of this journey, to discount the role that God put this person in, throughout this whole thing. Yes, this blog will have elements of sadness relating to the loss itself, but we'll see where and how God uses it as a part of the story.
2 - It's not going to be my words. I'll explain this more as I go along, it's a recurring theme. But this what I meant when I wrote in the first post about how I don't censor, go back and remove things, over-analyze (though believe me, part of me wants to so very bad). But these words just come out. I'll explain this more as well, how words have been flowing.
3 - It's not going to be a rant against church. Believe me, I love church. I cannot express in words how much I love it. There is a snowstorm today and my church is held in a high school, the school has canceled all activities, so that means no gathering tomorrow. I can't tell you how sad I am, I love seeing everyone, and singing, and listening. This series is great, we're talking about Jesus - The Revolutionary. But church isn't just a building. It's in our hearts. Okay so back to the rant part of things.. As I said in the first post, I have issues with some of the major tenets of church, that's true. I'll explain eventually what I mean by that. But I can tell you, it's probably not what you think. I'm not here to argue, contest, get in heated discussions, none of that.
Here's what this blog will be.. well, what I think it will be.. God will take this and use it however He wants to..
1 - It's going to be a collection of experiences and thoughts and feelings as God moves through my life and soul. As I said earlier, I've been writing for a month now, but this is the first time that I will be sharing it with those I don't know. God spoke through a few people who asked how I plan on sharing this experience with others, that others might find peace or inspiration or anything else God brings into their life after reading about what I'm going through. At first I thought, um, absolutely not.. do you know how private I am? But the thing is, it's not about me. It's not about my comfort, my safe-zone. It's about God and what He has to say. And if I'm truly going to be His hands and feet, He'll take me out of my comfort-zone. But I won't be alone. He's carrying me. Okay okay, now I'm starting to get into a whole 'nother post, I'm getting ahead of myself.. just so excited to be sharing this with you.
2 - It's going to be honest. Again, zero censorship. And by that I don't mean I'll be swearing. That's so commonly what people think of related to censorship. Like cds that say something about censored content or whatever, so parents know that their children are listening to "bad" music. That's not the censorship I'm talking about. I mean the kind that holds us back from really saying what needs to be said. Trust me, I know all about it. And really, I think living like that is much more difficult than just being real, and owning what you say.
3 - It's going to be long. Let's be real. Look at how long each of these explanations is. I could just say "It's going to be honest" and leave it at that, but I have to explain what "honest" means. That said, I'm explaining it for you, as well as for me, as really, only in the last month have I been totally honest with myself, God, and others. Again, getting ahead of myself. Are you as excited to read this as I am to write it? Maybe not, but I am so excited to write.
4 - It's going to be random at times. Posts might consist of just a question, or some song lyrics. I really don't know how each post will look. It won't be cookie-cutter, I can tell you that much. It will be whatever God has to say at a given moment. He speaks through songs, others, books, all sorts of things. And He compels me to write about it. And now you get to read about it! The joys of technology.
I think that's about it.. it will evolve and change. As I'm learning each day, God changes our hearts, God moves in ways we don't understand or see, and nothing is constant except His love for us. Oh God, thank You for Your love for us.
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