knowing or not

Knowing. This has been a question for me for quite some time. In the last few years because of my work with divorcing parents, it's often been centered around the idea of knowing another person is "the one" you should spend the rest of your life with. My work has greatly influenced my idea of marriage and longevity, and commitment. I'm unsure, to be honest. I'm cynical at times, sometimes quite cynical, toward the idea of marriage.

My question that stems out of my work is "How does someone ever really know that they're supposed to spend the rest of their life with this person? How do you really know it will work out?"

I guess the answer to that is that you don't. But these people at one point, at least at the altar or before the Justice of the Peace or whathaveyou, they thought that they knew. They thought they were making a commitment. Forever. And now it's ending. Not the plan.

But my question in the moment.. is how do we ever really know.. anything? I'm certain of God's love for me. I'm certain that He created me, has purpose for me that I cannot see, loves me dearly as His own, sends beautiful people into my life for purposes I cannot see, sent His Son to die for me, redeemed me, and one day I'll be with Him and out of this world we live in. I can't wait for that day! I'm excited.

But the question.. how do we ever really know. I'm learning that we don't. We really don't know. I don't know, that's for sure. All I know is that He loves me and will bring me to the best possibilities, which might be painful, but I won't be alone.

But we make all of these plans, all of these great monumental plans. And we think with some relative certainty that they'll work out. I chuckle because since learning and living that it's not about my plan, and all about His, I can see all of the plans that I make day-to-day that don't work out (not how I planned them anyway). Even little things. My appointment with my therapist was scheduled for 3:00pm today. Then the office called and asked if I could come at 1:00pm instead. Little things. Really, looking at things, very rarely do things go as I had planned. In small ways that don't really matter, and in big ways.

And the beauty of it is He uses it all. He uses it to His glory and on our path toward the best possibilities that He has laid out for us. We just need to trust Him. Don't get me wrong, it's not we just need to trust Him as if it's so easy and just something that we can do without thinking. Look at everything I've written. I've had my share of years and years of not truly trusting Him. Not how I do now. And even now I struggle. I still have moments when I think, 'Really? What? Why?' toward things that happen. But it's not for me to know. He sees it all. He uses it all. He will bring me to the best possibilities, in His time. Not mine. Not my plan. Not for me to know.

I know that I don't know. And I don't need to! And that really is freeing. He knows. And that's all that matters. He knows where my day will go, who I will cross-paths with. The difference He will make through me. He knows when I sleep and when I rise. He cares for the crows, how much more will He care for me. I don't need to worry about tomorrow. His promises are true. He cares for me in ways I can't imagine or see. His love is in my heart and surrounding me. I can feel the warmth of His hands as He holds me close. He gives me comfort and rest in His arms.

He knows all, and that's all that matters.