I can't believe it's been so long since I wrote! I've had two great weeks. Which has been really wonderful. God continues to be faithful. He never ceases to amaze me. He gives me just enough to get by, and then blesses me. I cannot praise Him enough. I love it.
Amidst great days, it can be hard to not look at it as "I wonder when the next bad thing will happen. I wonder when I'll be sad again." But the beautiful thing is knowing that I am never alone. He is with me through everything. Through joy and pain. And He uses it, He uses it all.
I've been saving some more of The Daily Love emails and honestly, it's clogging my inbox (I LOVE deleting things).. so here's a collection of thoughts from them that I really liked.
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"Being vulnerable doesn't have to be threatening. Just have the courage to be sincere, open and honest. This opens the door to deeper communication all around. It creates self-empowerment and the kind of connections with others we all want in life. Speaking from the heart frees us from the secrets that burden us. These secrets are what make us sick or fearful. Speaking truth helps you get clarity on your real heart directives." - Sara Paddison
This has been a big part of my journey. Truly being myself and letting go of this idea of who I need to be or who I need to please. Really being who I am in Him, not who I was in myself. Allowing Him to use me, and use my pain, and joy, everything. Opening up to friends has been amazing. My relationships with friends and family have changed throughout this journey. I am finally being myself and showing them parts of me that I wasn't even willing to look at on my own. Everything has deepened.
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As you move forward into the new year, how are you going to interpret the events of the past? What meaning are you going to give to the traumatic moment of your life? What meaning are you going to give to the moment in life when you got rejected, when things didn't work out, when you may have been living your worst nightmare? What meaning are you going to give to not getting what you want?
One of the best and fastest ways to cut cords with your past and jettison yourself into a more compelling future is to give the traumatic events of your past an empowering meaning.
Did these events happen "to you"? Or did they happen "for you"? Are you a victim of your circumstances or are you the powerful co-creator of your life? Did these events make your hopes and dreams impossible or were they lessons? Are you never going to get over it or are you willing to step into the unknown with an even stronger sense of resolve and and even MORE open heart? Is life a test or is life a journey?
What new and empowering meaning can you give to the events of your past? How can you flip the script on even the seemingly worst moments of your life and tell a new story about them? What new model of the world are you willing to create that will empower you? What are you waiting for?
So I ask you, my friend, what story are you telling about your part? Are you ready to start telling a new one?
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"Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world." - C.S. Lewis
I've been reading Mere Christianity by C.S Lewis for the past couple of weeks. Some of his greatest quotes are in that book. It's been a heavier read than the other faith-based books I've read recently. It's taking me longer to read it because I want to soak it all in. I'll write about it after I've finished it.
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"Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime,
Therefore, we are saved by hope.
Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history;
Therefore, we are saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone.
Therefore, we are saved by love.
No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own;
Therefore, we are saved by the final form of love, which is forgiveness."
- Reinhold Niebuhr
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They say that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. We all experience pain in our lives. The question is, how do you interpret pain?
Are you a victim of your pain? Do you fight it? Do you accept that it won't change? Do you see pain as a portal of discovery and growth?
These questions apply to physical pain, but I am talking about emotional pain.
The strongest muscles are made by tearing them apart over and over again, only to be rebuilt stronger and stronger.
The more you are willing to put yourself out there and subject yourself to the pain of life, the stronger you can become. The tool to use is to apply an empowering meaning to the pain of life.
You didn't get what you really wanted. Do you hold the belief that something even better is waiting for you?
Every time you experience pain you have the choice of how you wish to interpret this pain. Does your interpretation of pain cause you to suffer to to grow?
Seriously consider this question: from now on, how are you going to interpret pain in your life?
Pain has been another theme on this journey. I let myself experience everything, and much of it was intense pain. God removed me from myself. It really was a "dying to self" experience. I let go of who I was and embraced who I am in Him. I am His. His creation, His hands and feet. I can't boss around the Creator of the Universe as I was trying to. My life is not my own. But believe me, this process has had it's share of pain. Who wants to let go of that power? Who wants to embrace the unknown? I held on for 24 years. Finally letting go of it has brought me such peace and ultimately excitement. It's quite a journey He has me on. And there will be more pain. Be He is with me. And He uses it. He has used all of the pain so far, I trust Him to be faithful to continue to use it.
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There is a gift within you that is waiting to be received by the world. Each and every one of us is born to bring our own unique gift to the world. I believe that we are part infinite, part human.
The infinite part within us is nothing but love, creativity, compassion, passion, excitement, joy and curiosity. Over time, we learn patterns as a way to survive and get love. None of us could live without love, so as children we adapt our behaviors in order to get love from our primary caretakers (usually our parents).
Which parent did you crave love from most? And, who did you have to become in order to please that parent? Over time, whose love and approval did you live for? A lover? A friend? A boss? A university? Did you abandon any parts of your true and infinite self as you aimed to please and get love from these people and institutions?
If so, what part of yourself did you abandon? What part of you is still in there, dying to be heard, but is so buried that it barely has a voice anymore? That part of you that wants to be creative, expressive, joyful, curious, playful and loving is who you really are. Express it. Honor it. Love that part of you.
Teach your human self the patterns and thought forms that honor that part of you. Unlearn what you have learned about love. As you are, you are worthy of love. You do not have to become someone else, alter yourself or change in anyway to be worthy of love. Take a close look at who you had to become to please those you craved love from most. Where did you abandon yourself? What parts of you are dying to be heard? Why not start listening to them now? Embrace the infinite within & train your human self to support it's desires. Condition your body and mind to be the servant of your heart and your soul.
Do this with enough passion, repetition and love and a whole new world will come around to you - the world of your true authentic self. In that kind of a world, you are free to share your gifts in every moment of your life.
I'm working through figuring out some places on my life journey where I had started to believe that I needed to be strong, when what would have been best was to be weak. Where I have neglected to feel the emotions I was truly feeling, and instead spin everything for the positive. The fact is, sometimes life is negative. Bad things happen. How we experience it shapes how we understand it. Pleasing others has been a part of me, though not a huge part. It's even less a part of me now. But I wonder if being strong in my mom's eyes, or being strong for her, was my way of pleasing her. Thoughts that are swirling in my head and heart as I try to understand and let go of my need/desire/want to be strong. Guess what, I'm weak. But HE is strong.
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I have more to write about, but I'm running out of time. My favorite local, listener-supported radio station is having a 6th birthday party tonight and I'm very excited about it.
Promise I won't be such a stranger.. Maybe not writing is a good sign.. I accept that it will wax and wane. If you're reading this, I'm glad to have you along for the ride. God has me on a rollercoaster and sometimes it's scary, but always exciting. I finally see it as exciting. The unknown doesn't scare me. I know He will be faithful. He sees everything I don't. He sees everything. How amazing is that.
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