Article written by Marc at Marcandangel.com
When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.
As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled .
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happines.
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done.
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.
CREDIT: Full article written by Marc at Marcandangel.com
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
the six and the nine
Just took this test called the Enneagram and well....
The Questioner (the Six)
How to Get Along with Me
are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn
are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger
form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent
look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel
are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent
Sixes as Parents
are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty
are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence
worry more than most that their children will get hurt
sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries
and
The Peacemaker (the Nine)
feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
tune out a lot, especially when others argue
are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves
Nines as Parents
are supportive, kind, and warm
are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective
The Questioner (the Six)
- Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.
How to Get Along with Me
- Be direct and clear.
- Listen to me carefully.
- Don't judge me for my anxiety.
- Work things through with me.
- Reassure me that everything is OK between us.
- Laugh and make jokes with me.
- Gently push me toward new experiences.
- Try not to overreact to my overreacting.
- being committed and faithful to family and friends
- being responsible and hardworking
- being compassionate toward others
- having intellect and wit
- being a nonconformist
- confronting danger bravely
- being direct and assertive
- the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
- procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
- fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
- exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
- wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
- being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations
are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn
are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger
form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent
look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel
are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent
Sixes as Parents
are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty
are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence
worry more than most that their children will get hurt
sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries
and
The Peacemaker (the Nine)
- Peacemakers are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.
- If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure.
- I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advatage of this.
- Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit.
- Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally.
- Ask me questions to help me get clear.
- Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery.
- Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings.
- I like a good discussion but not a confrontation.
- Let me know you like what I've done or said.
- Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.
- being nonjudgmental and accepting
- caring for and being concerned about others
- being able to relax and have a good time
- knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around
- my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
- my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
- being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe
- being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
- being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
- being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
- being confused about what I really want
- caring too much about what others will think of me
- not being listened to or taken seriously
feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
tune out a lot, especially when others argue
are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves
Nines as Parents
are supportive, kind, and warm
are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
steps
"In the end, the only steps that matter are the ones you take by yourself."
A song I've never heard by a band I've never heard, on my station on Pandora just sang that. It stuck out to me. Need to contemplate that one for a while.
A song I've never heard by a band I've never heard, on my station on Pandora just sang that. It stuck out to me. Need to contemplate that one for a while.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
home is..
I'm jamming (loudly) to Taylor Swift and packing for my house. I am in heaven.
Also, I thought this was funny. My realtor had set up automatic emails for my condo search so whenever something new came on the market or changed price I would get a notification. He forgot to turn that off so I just got an email.
There is NOTHING good on the market in the way of condos.
Who knew I was meant to find a house all along? (I know who knew.) ;o)
I found this gem at a thrift store in Madison last week.
It's going above Jack's food dish in the house.
Also, I thought this was funny. My realtor had set up automatic emails for my condo search so whenever something new came on the market or changed price I would get a notification. He forgot to turn that off so I just got an email.
There is NOTHING good on the market in the way of condos.
Who knew I was meant to find a house all along? (I know who knew.) ;o)
I found this gem at a thrift store in Madison last week.
It's going above Jack's food dish in the house.
Monday, October 31, 2011
TDL 10.31.11
The email from The Daily Love was great today. I'll emphasize the parts that very much resonated with me.
What does it mean to take off our masks? Well, it means - start telling the truth. The truth about how you feel. A life lived in and aligned with Truth puts us on a track of thriving that The Uni-verse intended for us when we were born.
Taking off your mask almost means not letting the opinions of your family, friends, loved ones or the world hold more weight and influence over you than the opinion you hold of yourself. Lots of people think they know what's best for you, but the truth is that no one knows better than you do.
Taking off your mask also means no longer pretending to be something or someone in order to get someone else's approval. We celebrate being 100% ourselves and other folks can do with that what they please. It's no longer our concern to play a role that pleases them, if in the process, we abandon ourselves.
Taking off your mask also means no longer playing small. It's time to up your game. The Uni-verse has great big HUGE plans for you. You cannot realize these plans if you keep yourself boxed in with the walls of fear! As my friend Marianne Williamson so famously said, "Who are you NOT to shine your Light? By your shining your Light, you will give others the permission to do so as well".
Taking off your mask means loving who you are, where you are right now. No changes. You are perfect. Yes you are. Own it and act accordingly.
And finally, taking off your mask means keeping promises that you make to yourself. If you want change in your life, make promises and then KEEP them. Low self-esteem doesn't just magically appear. It shows up when we break promises to ourselves. Want Love? Be love-able, let love in, don't push away people that are trying to Love you.
Whatever it is that you are being called to do in this life, you must take off your masks if you want to get there. No longer live for others. No longer play small. Love yourself right where you are and keep your promises to yourself.
What does it mean to take off our masks? Well, it means - start telling the truth. The truth about how you feel. A life lived in and aligned with Truth puts us on a track of thriving that The Uni-verse intended for us when we were born.
Taking off your mask almost means not letting the opinions of your family, friends, loved ones or the world hold more weight and influence over you than the opinion you hold of yourself. Lots of people think they know what's best for you, but the truth is that no one knows better than you do.
Taking off your mask also means no longer pretending to be something or someone in order to get someone else's approval. We celebrate being 100% ourselves and other folks can do with that what they please. It's no longer our concern to play a role that pleases them, if in the process, we abandon ourselves.
Taking off your mask also means no longer playing small. It's time to up your game. The Uni-verse has great big HUGE plans for you. You cannot realize these plans if you keep yourself boxed in with the walls of fear! As my friend Marianne Williamson so famously said, "Who are you NOT to shine your Light? By your shining your Light, you will give others the permission to do so as well".
Taking off your mask means loving who you are, where you are right now. No changes. You are perfect. Yes you are. Own it and act accordingly.
And finally, taking off your mask means keeping promises that you make to yourself. If you want change in your life, make promises and then KEEP them. Low self-esteem doesn't just magically appear. It shows up when we break promises to ourselves. Want Love? Be love-able, let love in, don't push away people that are trying to Love you.
Whatever it is that you are being called to do in this life, you must take off your masks if you want to get there. No longer live for others. No longer play small. Love yourself right where you are and keep your promises to yourself.
Monday, October 24, 2011
wires crossed
God and I must have had our wires crossed.
All this time I've been looking for a condo and just not finding the one. Found a few good ones, but not the one. They all slipped away. I gave up my deadline. Things still weren't moving. I looked at more. Still nothing. Then last Wednesday after looking at 3 condos, I started brainstorming. What if I buy a cute little house, in a safe neighborhood, and put in a security system? I asked my realtor if it was possible. He said very possible. He started the search that night and by Thursday morning had emailed me a list of possibilities. He said look at # such and such 0005 (by this point I was just reading the last 4 digits of the MLS because I was so burnt out on them) so I looked.. yeah, sure, it looked okay.. he asked if I had time to see it that day. My mom and little cousin were coming down to visit, so I said sure, I'll bring my family with. We drive, and I think we beat him there. We walked around the yard, were impressed, my mom starts telling me she'll help me with the hostas, you know, the usual. Then I get a call from him, he's at a different house. He says the MLS number and I said, yeah, I'm pretty sure that's where I am. He said, well, come over to this one and I'll see if we can get into that one after. It was really creepy too, when we got in the car and looked over at the house we were just walking around, there was some guy walking around inside (it was a vacant foreclosure..) so that was a good indicator, not the place.
So we drove over there. As we're driving, I get a voicemail from him that was delayed in getting to me, I listen to it and I think he said "We have lawyer's costs" so I'm freaking out.. oh no, they found out we were walking around the property when we weren't supposed to be.. we were trespassing! Now I'll never get a house! Then I calmed down and started thinking.......... ohhhhhh he said we have WIRES CROSSED. Breathe, Tamara, seriously. Calm the #$%^!! down. (I realized later that both my realtor and I were looking at MLS numbers that ended in 0005, which is why we ended up at different houses. What's the likelihood of that?! I feel like this was God saying "You think you see it all. You think you know what's best for you, but I have things far greater planned for you than you can ever imagine.")
Then we got there. Needless to say, I fell in love instantly. It was so right. I walked in and it smelled like my Grandparents' house. My mom starts firing off questions to my realtor like there's no tomorrow. My little cousin is planning where we'll put my Christmas tree. It cost more than I was hoping to spend (surprise surprise) but I wanted it.
We decided to satiate my initial interest in the other place so we went over to it. It was a DUMP. Seriously. Whatever you think a dump would be like, it was worse. I didn't even want to go in.
So we walked out and I said, well, how do I make this happen. I want this to happen. We crunched the numbers and found a way. It won't be easy, it will be tight, but it will work.
I saw the house at 1:30pm and made an offer by 5pm. The next morning was stressful. Between waiting to hear back from the listing agent and getting ready to have a weekend being personal attendant for my friend's wedding, there was a lot going on. They counter-offered, I counter-offered. My realtor and I went to see it again. Took measurements to make sure my stuff would actually fit and oh wow, it fits like a glove (surprise surprise). Then we went to the credit union to get some earnest money. In the time it took to drive there, they had verbally accepted my offer. I jumped up and down in the parking lot.
In less than 24 hours from stepping foot in the house we had a signed purchase agreement.
The inspection was today, which was also stressful. I haven't been sleeping well for days. It was neat to get to know the house very intimately, but there was a few issues. Nothing structurally or foundationally, but a couple small gas leaks to be tightened/fixed, some electrical/outlet issues, and a few others. Nothing extravagantly huge, but still some things to decide to ask them to fix or not.
Which brings me to this point. I'm talking to my realtor in the morning about what we'll ask them to fix. Need to go over the mortgage details again as well.
Let me tell you, this is one of the most incredibly stressful things I have ever done. I was telling my mom "I am so exhausted. So emotionally drained. It's not awful like a terrible breakup, but it's exhausting and stressful. It's on that level."
I'll need some cocktail of melatonin and sleepytime tea to get any zzz's tonight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But God and I must have had our wires crossed.
Because all this time I've been looking for a condo, and now I see I was meant to find a house...
All this time I've been looking for a condo and just not finding the one. Found a few good ones, but not the one. They all slipped away. I gave up my deadline. Things still weren't moving. I looked at more. Still nothing. Then last Wednesday after looking at 3 condos, I started brainstorming. What if I buy a cute little house, in a safe neighborhood, and put in a security system? I asked my realtor if it was possible. He said very possible. He started the search that night and by Thursday morning had emailed me a list of possibilities. He said look at # such and such 0005 (by this point I was just reading the last 4 digits of the MLS because I was so burnt out on them) so I looked.. yeah, sure, it looked okay.. he asked if I had time to see it that day. My mom and little cousin were coming down to visit, so I said sure, I'll bring my family with. We drive, and I think we beat him there. We walked around the yard, were impressed, my mom starts telling me she'll help me with the hostas, you know, the usual. Then I get a call from him, he's at a different house. He says the MLS number and I said, yeah, I'm pretty sure that's where I am. He said, well, come over to this one and I'll see if we can get into that one after. It was really creepy too, when we got in the car and looked over at the house we were just walking around, there was some guy walking around inside (it was a vacant foreclosure..) so that was a good indicator, not the place.
So we drove over there. As we're driving, I get a voicemail from him that was delayed in getting to me, I listen to it and I think he said "We have lawyer's costs" so I'm freaking out.. oh no, they found out we were walking around the property when we weren't supposed to be.. we were trespassing! Now I'll never get a house! Then I calmed down and started thinking.......... ohhhhhh he said we have WIRES CROSSED. Breathe, Tamara, seriously. Calm the #$%^!! down. (I realized later that both my realtor and I were looking at MLS numbers that ended in 0005, which is why we ended up at different houses. What's the likelihood of that?! I feel like this was God saying "You think you see it all. You think you know what's best for you, but I have things far greater planned for you than you can ever imagine.")
Then we got there. Needless to say, I fell in love instantly. It was so right. I walked in and it smelled like my Grandparents' house. My mom starts firing off questions to my realtor like there's no tomorrow. My little cousin is planning where we'll put my Christmas tree. It cost more than I was hoping to spend (surprise surprise) but I wanted it.
We decided to satiate my initial interest in the other place so we went over to it. It was a DUMP. Seriously. Whatever you think a dump would be like, it was worse. I didn't even want to go in.
So we walked out and I said, well, how do I make this happen. I want this to happen. We crunched the numbers and found a way. It won't be easy, it will be tight, but it will work.
I saw the house at 1:30pm and made an offer by 5pm. The next morning was stressful. Between waiting to hear back from the listing agent and getting ready to have a weekend being personal attendant for my friend's wedding, there was a lot going on. They counter-offered, I counter-offered. My realtor and I went to see it again. Took measurements to make sure my stuff would actually fit and oh wow, it fits like a glove (surprise surprise). Then we went to the credit union to get some earnest money. In the time it took to drive there, they had verbally accepted my offer. I jumped up and down in the parking lot.
In less than 24 hours from stepping foot in the house we had a signed purchase agreement.
The inspection was today, which was also stressful. I haven't been sleeping well for days. It was neat to get to know the house very intimately, but there was a few issues. Nothing structurally or foundationally, but a couple small gas leaks to be tightened/fixed, some electrical/outlet issues, and a few others. Nothing extravagantly huge, but still some things to decide to ask them to fix or not.
Which brings me to this point. I'm talking to my realtor in the morning about what we'll ask them to fix. Need to go over the mortgage details again as well.
Let me tell you, this is one of the most incredibly stressful things I have ever done. I was telling my mom "I am so exhausted. So emotionally drained. It's not awful like a terrible breakup, but it's exhausting and stressful. It's on that level."
I'll need some cocktail of melatonin and sleepytime tea to get any zzz's tonight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But God and I must have had our wires crossed.
Because all this time I've been looking for a condo, and now I see I was meant to find a house...
Monday, October 17, 2011
on the market(s)
I've wanted to write for a few days now. I've had thoughts of "Oh I need to write that down, that's true.. I need to keep track of that.." and poof, no time. I'll write in bit and pieces as my brain goes.
I cooked for about 3 hours on Saturday. I made 18 meals worth of food. Creamy white chicken chili, beef chili, sloppy joes, vegetable venison barley soup, and spaghetti. When I get on a cooking spree, I go a little crazy. It's to cathartic. I love chopping vegetables individually (you couldn't pay me to use a food processor), and adding them individually (Martha Stewart style). I get geeky about cooking. But seriously, if I had another job and maybe twice as much time as I have I'd love to be a chef. I'm not saying I'm that good, because I don't make everything pretty or anything, but I love cooking.
The condo search is well, still not moving. I've been wavering between frustration and excitement. (Note, neither are patience.) I was feeling pretty good about it, and then I had a dream about a beautiful loft and I was cooking for friends and I felt AMAZING. My heart was content and excited at the same time. My heart was smiling. Well of course then I woke up on a mission - FIND THAT LOFT.. well.. yeah let's be real. Turns out most loft buildings don't allow pets. And that's a deal-breaker, obviously, Jack the Cat needs to come with me, he's part of my life. Needless to say, that loft from my dream hasn't come on the market yet.
I need to remember that just because I'm in the market, doesn't mean my condo is on the market. It's kind of a cruel irony when I'm ready for something and it's not ready for me. Oh hey look, seeing a pattern there? God's timing, not mine. Ahhh again. Sigh. Seriously, I'm catching on to Him.
But I am learning (trying to learn anyway) how to be happy where I'm at. That I really truly am right where I need to be. I have a beautiful room in an amazing old house in (what I consider to be) the greatest neighborhood in the state. I have a lot of blessings to count. But, this is where the full-circle that I learned about 9 months ago comes in...(the one about not always looking on the bright side, but accepting that things make me feel however they make me feel).. Yes, I have a lot of blessings to count, but having my ducks in a row to buy a condo and there not being a condo for me to buy right now is disappointing, and frustrating, and it's okay for me to feel those things as long as I'm not turning in on myself and those are all that I'm feeling. Everything in moderation, right?
So I wait. We'll see what happens. The right place will come along when it does. "It will be right when it's right. You'll know." Everyone keeps saying that. About condos and guys. It's kind of.. well, I've written about how it is.. I believe the word I used was annoying.
But it is hard.. in the guy section recently. It's hard to not feel like there's something wrong with you as a person when you've "got your shit together" as my mom and I say, and it seems like guys my age, well, don't. Or are scared of the fact that I do. Or whatever the stupid reason is. But it's hard to not feel like there's something wrong with you when a lot of your close friends are in relationships and you're not. And maybe, you judge them as being even more broken than you are. Hey, that's honesty. I'm not trying to put anyone down by any means, I'm not that kind of person, but honestly. Okay this is turning into a "why I'm so great" rant and it's really not meant to. If you know me, you know my heart. Moving on.
I have pondered recently (thought not seriously, because I have everything here that I want except this).. but that if I was to move to another state (oh look at that, I'm drawn to the east coast again, in the fall of all times, hrmmm that's never happened before...) that it'd be a lot easier to meet someone because I'd be creating my life from the ground up. No one would know me. Not that there's things for me to be running from, but even just the geographic change changes things. Guys are different on the east coast, proven fact. They're also better looking. Okay, I'm sorry, so many not so nice things today. But it's true. Midwestern women have this Nordic, Scandinavian beauty (or something, I've heard it explained before).. The problem is there is too many good looking women here per capita compared to eligible men. So we're all fighting over the same ones. (AGAIN, just like the condo situation, gaaaaah.) .. oh and on the east coast, men aren't so stinking passive aggressive and if they like you, they tell you. Crazy, I know.
But I've been pondering recently, that perhaps my cynicism toward it all is actually blocking me from getting what I truly desire. I was joking with a friend the other night about getting married. She and I had a good laugh. We said something like "Ha! Marriage! Who wants that?" and then we both cower and mumble under our breath, "Uhhh I do.." And we proceeded to whine about how we want someone to cuddle with on a Friday night and watch a movie at home, and someone to make us dinner.. And honestly, it's true. I want all of it. As much as I joke about marriage and question it (I mean, let's be real, I work with divorce Monday-Friday and have for almost 5 years, so I think I have reason to question marriage).. but as much as I do, I really do want it all. The house with the two dormers upstairs and the white picket fence and the two kids (boy and girl, obviously) and dog and cat. Oh and obviously a handsome (but not too handsome) husband who treats me like a queen (and I treat him like a king, this isn't one-sided).. I want it all. The entire cliche.
And I think my tomboyish, joking, cynical attitude might need to go. You know they say the energy you put out will be the energy you receive.. so when you're being negative, you perceive things as negative, and people will react negatively to you.. well, maybe this is something along those lines.
I look around and see friends of mine who are married and for most of them, how incredibly compatible they are. I really do look at them and say, they are perfect for reach other. And it's that kind of relationship that I want. And I think, oh God, I'm 25 and it hasn't happened yet. But my therapist always says, "You're so young!" not in a demeaning way, but in a you-have-so-much-life-ahead-of-you way. And I've said to her, It's funny because look back on my past, I thought that I'd be married by 22, and maybe having kids by 27 or so. And now when I think about it, I would have been crazy to be married at 22. I have changed so much in those 3 years to where I am now. So to be able to look back and know that not having that in my life was exactly what needed to happen. I should be able to catch on that at some point down the road I'll look back and think it was so good that I wasn't married at 25.
The themes between guys and condos is just.. ridiculous. Thought of another one.. I'm picky, so picky that what I want just isn't out there right now. But I had this thought yesterday, maybe I need to put myself out there more. I guess that works more with guys than condos... but really. And not to be more outgoing, but to be in more situations where meeting people is possible. Ugh even saying that makes me feel pathetic.
I just need to kick this attitude to the curb and move along. Toss it out with the garbage. My life is just that, mine. (Well, God's, you know what I mean.) I'm not a victim. Time to get up, Tamara, and start this new day that has been given to you, as a gift. Treat it as such.
I cooked for about 3 hours on Saturday. I made 18 meals worth of food. Creamy white chicken chili, beef chili, sloppy joes, vegetable venison barley soup, and spaghetti. When I get on a cooking spree, I go a little crazy. It's to cathartic. I love chopping vegetables individually (you couldn't pay me to use a food processor), and adding them individually (Martha Stewart style). I get geeky about cooking. But seriously, if I had another job and maybe twice as much time as I have I'd love to be a chef. I'm not saying I'm that good, because I don't make everything pretty or anything, but I love cooking.
The condo search is well, still not moving. I've been wavering between frustration and excitement. (Note, neither are patience.) I was feeling pretty good about it, and then I had a dream about a beautiful loft and I was cooking for friends and I felt AMAZING. My heart was content and excited at the same time. My heart was smiling. Well of course then I woke up on a mission - FIND THAT LOFT.. well.. yeah let's be real. Turns out most loft buildings don't allow pets. And that's a deal-breaker, obviously, Jack the Cat needs to come with me, he's part of my life. Needless to say, that loft from my dream hasn't come on the market yet.
I need to remember that just because I'm in the market, doesn't mean my condo is on the market. It's kind of a cruel irony when I'm ready for something and it's not ready for me. Oh hey look, seeing a pattern there? God's timing, not mine. Ahhh again. Sigh. Seriously, I'm catching on to Him.
But I am learning (trying to learn anyway) how to be happy where I'm at. That I really truly am right where I need to be. I have a beautiful room in an amazing old house in (what I consider to be) the greatest neighborhood in the state. I have a lot of blessings to count. But, this is where the full-circle that I learned about 9 months ago comes in...(the one about not always looking on the bright side, but accepting that things make me feel however they make me feel).. Yes, I have a lot of blessings to count, but having my ducks in a row to buy a condo and there not being a condo for me to buy right now is disappointing, and frustrating, and it's okay for me to feel those things as long as I'm not turning in on myself and those are all that I'm feeling. Everything in moderation, right?
So I wait. We'll see what happens. The right place will come along when it does. "It will be right when it's right. You'll know." Everyone keeps saying that. About condos and guys. It's kind of.. well, I've written about how it is.. I believe the word I used was annoying.
But it is hard.. in the guy section recently. It's hard to not feel like there's something wrong with you as a person when you've "got your shit together" as my mom and I say, and it seems like guys my age, well, don't. Or are scared of the fact that I do. Or whatever the stupid reason is. But it's hard to not feel like there's something wrong with you when a lot of your close friends are in relationships and you're not. And maybe, you judge them as being even more broken than you are. Hey, that's honesty. I'm not trying to put anyone down by any means, I'm not that kind of person, but honestly. Okay this is turning into a "why I'm so great" rant and it's really not meant to. If you know me, you know my heart. Moving on.
I have pondered recently (thought not seriously, because I have everything here that I want except this).. but that if I was to move to another state (oh look at that, I'm drawn to the east coast again, in the fall of all times, hrmmm that's never happened before...) that it'd be a lot easier to meet someone because I'd be creating my life from the ground up. No one would know me. Not that there's things for me to be running from, but even just the geographic change changes things. Guys are different on the east coast, proven fact. They're also better looking. Okay, I'm sorry, so many not so nice things today. But it's true. Midwestern women have this Nordic, Scandinavian beauty (or something, I've heard it explained before).. The problem is there is too many good looking women here per capita compared to eligible men. So we're all fighting over the same ones. (AGAIN, just like the condo situation, gaaaaah.) .. oh and on the east coast, men aren't so stinking passive aggressive and if they like you, they tell you. Crazy, I know.
But I've been pondering recently, that perhaps my cynicism toward it all is actually blocking me from getting what I truly desire. I was joking with a friend the other night about getting married. She and I had a good laugh. We said something like "Ha! Marriage! Who wants that?" and then we both cower and mumble under our breath, "Uhhh I do.." And we proceeded to whine about how we want someone to cuddle with on a Friday night and watch a movie at home, and someone to make us dinner.. And honestly, it's true. I want all of it. As much as I joke about marriage and question it (I mean, let's be real, I work with divorce Monday-Friday and have for almost 5 years, so I think I have reason to question marriage).. but as much as I do, I really do want it all. The house with the two dormers upstairs and the white picket fence and the two kids (boy and girl, obviously) and dog and cat. Oh and obviously a handsome (but not too handsome) husband who treats me like a queen (and I treat him like a king, this isn't one-sided).. I want it all. The entire cliche.
And I think my tomboyish, joking, cynical attitude might need to go. You know they say the energy you put out will be the energy you receive.. so when you're being negative, you perceive things as negative, and people will react negatively to you.. well, maybe this is something along those lines.
I look around and see friends of mine who are married and for most of them, how incredibly compatible they are. I really do look at them and say, they are perfect for reach other. And it's that kind of relationship that I want. And I think, oh God, I'm 25 and it hasn't happened yet. But my therapist always says, "You're so young!" not in a demeaning way, but in a you-have-so-much-life-ahead-of-you way. And I've said to her, It's funny because look back on my past, I thought that I'd be married by 22, and maybe having kids by 27 or so. And now when I think about it, I would have been crazy to be married at 22. I have changed so much in those 3 years to where I am now. So to be able to look back and know that not having that in my life was exactly what needed to happen. I should be able to catch on that at some point down the road I'll look back and think it was so good that I wasn't married at 25.
The themes between guys and condos is just.. ridiculous. Thought of another one.. I'm picky, so picky that what I want just isn't out there right now. But I had this thought yesterday, maybe I need to put myself out there more. I guess that works more with guys than condos... but really. And not to be more outgoing, but to be in more situations where meeting people is possible. Ugh even saying that makes me feel pathetic.
I just need to kick this attitude to the curb and move along. Toss it out with the garbage. My life is just that, mine. (Well, God's, you know what I mean.) I'm not a victim. Time to get up, Tamara, and start this new day that has been given to you, as a gift. Treat it as such.
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