I've noticed recently that every single time someone asks me how I am, I give the answer (very quickly) of "I'm good! How are you??".. now.. I know about myself, that I'm recovering from the "I'm Fine" Syndrome. In the meantime, my habit exists.
And really.. this habit is exactly what the problem is.
The quick (not always honest) answer about me, and then the more genuine concern about them.
The "I don't have any problems, but I'd love to hear yours."
Therefore, I am going to challenge myself.
In the next.. well.. couple of days? Week? Something do-able. I'm going to give a different answer.
1. Be honest
2. No asking about them
Now at first thought, this feels really awful to me. I want to know how someone else is doing. But it's as if I need to cut myself off, cold turkey, to learn this lesson.
That it's okay for someone else to care about you, and to bask in that. Let that be. Live in it. Enjoy it. Savor it. Don't just give a 1 cent answer and then shift concern back to them. Appreciate the fact that they care enough to ask how you are.
It's harder than it sounds.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
2 Corinthians 3
So in the morning I'm reading My Utmost For His Highest and also a chapter or two in the Voice translation of the Bible. I've worked through John, Romans and 1 Corinthians. I'm in 2 Corinthians now. I really like how it gives some background of what's going on and why Paul is writing the letters and who he's writing them to. If I've learned anything in the last year or so it's that context is SO important. Vital, really. I say in the last year because I really feel like that's when I've started to dive in to the Bible and wanted to know more.
Today I read 2 Corinthians 2 and 3 and whoa. 3 in particular.
Paul is writing to the church in Corinth in a time where they were struggling as a church and also struggling to trust him.
2 Corinthians 3:3
You are the living letter of the Liberating King, nurture by us and inscribed, not with ink, but with the Spirit of the Living God - a letter too passionate to be chiseled onto stone tablets, but emblazoned upon the human heart.
Whewy. Emblazoned upon the human heart. Do you ever get that feeling that when someone explains something or you see a car crash scene or something, that you feel that pain or whatever that person described? That's what I feel in that sentence. I feel something on my heart, in my chest.
2 Corinthians 3:4-6
This is the kind of confidence we have in and through the Liberating King toward our God. Don't be mistaken; in and of ourselves we know we have little to offer, but any competence or value we have comes from God. Now God has equipped us to be capable servants of the new covenant, not by authority of the written law which only brings death, but by the Spirit who brings life.
Again, whewy! Confidence.. competence.. equipped.. Big words for me. ..the Spirit who brings life. Love it.
2 Corinthians 3: 12
In light of this hope that we have, we act with great confidence and speak with great courage.
Again with the confidence.. and courage. Wow.
2 Corinthians 3: 17-18
By any heart where the Spirit of the Lord is present, there is liberty. Now all of us, with our faces unveiled (ohhh notice how he doesn't just say "Now us men" or anything about women being veiled.. interesting.. I'm learning about the different ways the church has used different scripture passages to hurt women and downplay our role in the church.. tangent.), are transfixed by the glory of the Lord, gazing - like we'd gaze into a mirror - at His splendor, and so we are being transformed, metamorphosed, into His same image from one radiance of glory into another, just as the Spirit of the Lord accomplishes it.
Who accomplishes it? Ohhh the Spirit of the Lord? Not me? Oh to let go and trust God, huh? :) I'm off the hook really. It's not something I need to do. It's something I trust Him to do. I think that sounds like a lovely plan. <3
Today I read 2 Corinthians 2 and 3 and whoa. 3 in particular.
Paul is writing to the church in Corinth in a time where they were struggling as a church and also struggling to trust him.
2 Corinthians 3:3
You are the living letter of the Liberating King, nurture by us and inscribed, not with ink, but with the Spirit of the Living God - a letter too passionate to be chiseled onto stone tablets, but emblazoned upon the human heart.
Whewy. Emblazoned upon the human heart. Do you ever get that feeling that when someone explains something or you see a car crash scene or something, that you feel that pain or whatever that person described? That's what I feel in that sentence. I feel something on my heart, in my chest.
2 Corinthians 3:4-6
This is the kind of confidence we have in and through the Liberating King toward our God. Don't be mistaken; in and of ourselves we know we have little to offer, but any competence or value we have comes from God. Now God has equipped us to be capable servants of the new covenant, not by authority of the written law which only brings death, but by the Spirit who brings life.
Again, whewy! Confidence.. competence.. equipped.. Big words for me. ..the Spirit who brings life. Love it.
2 Corinthians 3: 12
In light of this hope that we have, we act with great confidence and speak with great courage.
Again with the confidence.. and courage. Wow.
2 Corinthians 3: 17-18
By any heart where the Spirit of the Lord is present, there is liberty. Now all of us, with our faces unveiled (ohhh notice how he doesn't just say "Now us men" or anything about women being veiled.. interesting.. I'm learning about the different ways the church has used different scripture passages to hurt women and downplay our role in the church.. tangent.), are transfixed by the glory of the Lord, gazing - like we'd gaze into a mirror - at His splendor, and so we are being transformed, metamorphosed, into His same image from one radiance of glory into another, just as the Spirit of the Lord accomplishes it.
Who accomplishes it? Ohhh the Spirit of the Lord? Not me? Oh to let go and trust God, huh? :) I'm off the hook really. It's not something I need to do. It's something I trust Him to do. I think that sounds like a lovely plan. <3
Sunday, May 8, 2011
no [self] condemnation
Go here if you want to listen to the most honest conversation I have ever had in front of a large group of people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm not sure where I got this poem, but I had it in a book that I lent to my mom recently. I think it fits well with the topic above..
Eternal Purposes
Hold thou fast, for lo, I am with thee;
Stand thou still, for I am thy God.
Be thou quiet before Me,
For I have arranged all things for thee
according to My good will,
yea, according to Mine eternal purposes.
For I have purposes and plans and desires
which reach far beyond thy present view.
Thou seest as it were the immediate situation,
but My thoughts for thee,
and My planning for thee,
embraces eternity.
Yea, thou art in My hand.
Rest there, and leave all else to Me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm not sure where I got this poem, but I had it in a book that I lent to my mom recently. I think it fits well with the topic above..
Eternal Purposes
Hold thou fast, for lo, I am with thee;
Stand thou still, for I am thy God.
Be thou quiet before Me,
For I have arranged all things for thee
according to My good will,
yea, according to Mine eternal purposes.
For I have purposes and plans and desires
which reach far beyond thy present view.
Thou seest as it were the immediate situation,
but My thoughts for thee,
and My planning for thee,
embraces eternity.
Yea, thou art in My hand.
Rest there, and leave all else to Me.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
holding on
Praying as I fall asleep is definitely one of my most favorite things to do. If not my favorite. There really is a peace the surpasses all understanding.
As I was praying and thinking tonight.. I was asking God to remove some things that I've been holding onto.. some anger.. some resentment.. some grudges perhaps.. though I don't think we have a universal understanding of what it means to hold a grudge.. But just holding onto some junk based on hurt.
And the thing is, that doesn't serve me. That person is not worth my time or energy. Feeling angry is only hurting myself. Yeah yeah, I need to feel everything. I get that. And I am. But this is beyond feeling it. It's viscerally holding onto it. As if doing so will make me feel better, or make them feel worse.. Obviously, neither are true.
So I breathe. I breathe and let go. Because letting go isn't just about things that you were holding onto, but things that were holding onto you.
This anger was holding onto me. And noticeably in the last couple of weeks I have been grumpier and overall just.. bleh. And I don't want to be bleh. I am fed up with bleh. Life is too short. I'm going to be 25 in a couple months for goodness sake.. (time's running out, right? ;o) )
The point is, it's not worth it. There is nothing to gain and everything to lose.
It's a decision, and I'm making it. I will not hold on, and I will not allow it to hold on to me. I release it, into the air. Into the sky. It's not mine. I don't want it.
As I was praying and thinking tonight.. I was asking God to remove some things that I've been holding onto.. some anger.. some resentment.. some grudges perhaps.. though I don't think we have a universal understanding of what it means to hold a grudge.. But just holding onto some junk based on hurt.
And the thing is, that doesn't serve me. That person is not worth my time or energy. Feeling angry is only hurting myself. Yeah yeah, I need to feel everything. I get that. And I am. But this is beyond feeling it. It's viscerally holding onto it. As if doing so will make me feel better, or make them feel worse.. Obviously, neither are true.
So I breathe. I breathe and let go. Because letting go isn't just about things that you were holding onto, but things that were holding onto you.
This anger was holding onto me. And noticeably in the last couple of weeks I have been grumpier and overall just.. bleh. And I don't want to be bleh. I am fed up with bleh. Life is too short. I'm going to be 25 in a couple months for goodness sake.. (time's running out, right? ;o) )
The point is, it's not worth it. There is nothing to gain and everything to lose.
It's a decision, and I'm making it. I will not hold on, and I will not allow it to hold on to me. I release it, into the air. Into the sky. It's not mine. I don't want it.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
a portrait of Christ
A Portrait of Christ from Jeremy Cowart on Vimeo.
LIKE. Big time. This is really neat.
Monday, April 25, 2011
I AM
Saw this movie last week. Go see it. Let's change the world.
One line that really stuck out to me, that has been playing in my head ever since..
God says, "I need you. You're all I've got."
He needs me. He needs to use me. He needs me to do His work. I think so often we just focus on us needing God, and yes, obviously we do. I don't want to discount that. But how often do we turn it around and think about how He needs us?
As I've been thinking about it it's really empowered me. It's challenging me to step up to the plate and assume the position within the Body of Christ where He is calling me to be and to live out the life that He has given me. He needs me. I need Him. We depend on each other.
He needs to use people on this earth to bring about His love and His mission. That's why we're here. And how amazing is it that I get to be a part of that.
choosy
Seriously. God puts exactly what I need to hear right in front of me.
My Utmost For His Highest today:
Many of us suffer from the unbalanced tendency to "be ready" only out of season. The season does not refer to time; it refers to us. This verse [2 Timothy 4:2] says, "Preach the Words! Be ready in season and out of season." In other words, we should "be ready" whether we feel like it or not. If we do only what we feeling inclined to do, some of us would never do anything...The proof that our relationship is right with God is that we do our best whether we feel inspired or not.
I've been feeling choosy lately. Like, sure God, You can use me, but only when I feel like it. Or only when I really feel like it's something I'm good at. Or I really feel Your anointing on it.
Umm, as if there was any doubt, He works in ways I do not see. That means that I might not feel prepared, but I am. Human feelings cannot detect all the things that God is doing. We can't comprehend it.
Then in 1 Corinthians 1:5-9...
In this grace, God is enriching every aspect of your lives by gifting you with the right words to say and everything you need to know. In this way, your life story confirms that life story of the Liberating King, so you are not ill-equipped or slighted on any necessary gifts as you patiently anticipate the day when our Liberator, the Lord Jesus, is revealed. Until that final day, He will preserve you, and on that day, He will consider you faultless. Count on this: God is faithful and in His faithfulness called you into an intimate relationship with His Son, our Lord Jesus, the Liberating King.
How often to we feel ill-equipped. I've found myself saying "Yeah.. God.. about that, I don't know.." and not huge things, but little ones.
I think it comes back to trust. I need to trust in His faithfulness. I need to relinquish my desire to understand and know ahead of time what He wants me to be doing or how He's going to be using me.
My Utmost For His Highest today:
Many of us suffer from the unbalanced tendency to "be ready" only out of season. The season does not refer to time; it refers to us. This verse [2 Timothy 4:2] says, "Preach the Words! Be ready in season and out of season." In other words, we should "be ready" whether we feel like it or not. If we do only what we feeling inclined to do, some of us would never do anything...The proof that our relationship is right with God is that we do our best whether we feel inspired or not.
I've been feeling choosy lately. Like, sure God, You can use me, but only when I feel like it. Or only when I really feel like it's something I'm good at. Or I really feel Your anointing on it.
Umm, as if there was any doubt, He works in ways I do not see. That means that I might not feel prepared, but I am. Human feelings cannot detect all the things that God is doing. We can't comprehend it.
Then in 1 Corinthians 1:5-9...
In this grace, God is enriching every aspect of your lives by gifting you with the right words to say and everything you need to know. In this way, your life story confirms that life story of the Liberating King, so you are not ill-equipped or slighted on any necessary gifts as you patiently anticipate the day when our Liberator, the Lord Jesus, is revealed. Until that final day, He will preserve you, and on that day, He will consider you faultless. Count on this: God is faithful and in His faithfulness called you into an intimate relationship with His Son, our Lord Jesus, the Liberating King.
How often to we feel ill-equipped. I've found myself saying "Yeah.. God.. about that, I don't know.." and not huge things, but little ones.
I think it comes back to trust. I need to trust in His faithfulness. I need to relinquish my desire to understand and know ahead of time what He wants me to be doing or how He's going to be using me.
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