Praying as I fall asleep is definitely one of my most favorite things to do. If not my favorite. There really is a peace the surpasses all understanding.
As I was praying and thinking tonight.. I was asking God to remove some things that I've been holding onto.. some anger.. some resentment.. some grudges perhaps.. though I don't think we have a universal understanding of what it means to hold a grudge.. But just holding onto some junk based on hurt.
And the thing is, that doesn't serve me. That person is not worth my time or energy. Feeling angry is only hurting myself. Yeah yeah, I need to feel everything. I get that. And I am. But this is beyond feeling it. It's viscerally holding onto it. As if doing so will make me feel better, or make them feel worse.. Obviously, neither are true.
So I breathe. I breathe and let go. Because letting go isn't just about things that you were holding onto, but things that were holding onto you.
This anger was holding onto me. And noticeably in the last couple of weeks I have been grumpier and overall just.. bleh. And I don't want to be bleh. I am fed up with bleh. Life is too short. I'm going to be 25 in a couple months for goodness sake.. (time's running out, right? ;o) )
The point is, it's not worth it. There is nothing to gain and everything to lose.
It's a decision, and I'm making it. I will not hold on, and I will not allow it to hold on to me. I release it, into the air. Into the sky. It's not mine. I don't want it.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
a portrait of Christ
A Portrait of Christ from Jeremy Cowart on Vimeo.
LIKE. Big time. This is really neat.
Monday, April 25, 2011
I AM
Saw this movie last week. Go see it. Let's change the world.
One line that really stuck out to me, that has been playing in my head ever since..
God says, "I need you. You're all I've got."
He needs me. He needs to use me. He needs me to do His work. I think so often we just focus on us needing God, and yes, obviously we do. I don't want to discount that. But how often do we turn it around and think about how He needs us?
As I've been thinking about it it's really empowered me. It's challenging me to step up to the plate and assume the position within the Body of Christ where He is calling me to be and to live out the life that He has given me. He needs me. I need Him. We depend on each other.
He needs to use people on this earth to bring about His love and His mission. That's why we're here. And how amazing is it that I get to be a part of that.
choosy
Seriously. God puts exactly what I need to hear right in front of me.
My Utmost For His Highest today:
Many of us suffer from the unbalanced tendency to "be ready" only out of season. The season does not refer to time; it refers to us. This verse [2 Timothy 4:2] says, "Preach the Words! Be ready in season and out of season." In other words, we should "be ready" whether we feel like it or not. If we do only what we feeling inclined to do, some of us would never do anything...The proof that our relationship is right with God is that we do our best whether we feel inspired or not.
I've been feeling choosy lately. Like, sure God, You can use me, but only when I feel like it. Or only when I really feel like it's something I'm good at. Or I really feel Your anointing on it.
Umm, as if there was any doubt, He works in ways I do not see. That means that I might not feel prepared, but I am. Human feelings cannot detect all the things that God is doing. We can't comprehend it.
Then in 1 Corinthians 1:5-9...
In this grace, God is enriching every aspect of your lives by gifting you with the right words to say and everything you need to know. In this way, your life story confirms that life story of the Liberating King, so you are not ill-equipped or slighted on any necessary gifts as you patiently anticipate the day when our Liberator, the Lord Jesus, is revealed. Until that final day, He will preserve you, and on that day, He will consider you faultless. Count on this: God is faithful and in His faithfulness called you into an intimate relationship with His Son, our Lord Jesus, the Liberating King.
How often to we feel ill-equipped. I've found myself saying "Yeah.. God.. about that, I don't know.." and not huge things, but little ones.
I think it comes back to trust. I need to trust in His faithfulness. I need to relinquish my desire to understand and know ahead of time what He wants me to be doing or how He's going to be using me.
My Utmost For His Highest today:
Many of us suffer from the unbalanced tendency to "be ready" only out of season. The season does not refer to time; it refers to us. This verse [2 Timothy 4:2] says, "Preach the Words! Be ready in season and out of season." In other words, we should "be ready" whether we feel like it or not. If we do only what we feeling inclined to do, some of us would never do anything...The proof that our relationship is right with God is that we do our best whether we feel inspired or not.
I've been feeling choosy lately. Like, sure God, You can use me, but only when I feel like it. Or only when I really feel like it's something I'm good at. Or I really feel Your anointing on it.
Umm, as if there was any doubt, He works in ways I do not see. That means that I might not feel prepared, but I am. Human feelings cannot detect all the things that God is doing. We can't comprehend it.
Then in 1 Corinthians 1:5-9...
In this grace, God is enriching every aspect of your lives by gifting you with the right words to say and everything you need to know. In this way, your life story confirms that life story of the Liberating King, so you are not ill-equipped or slighted on any necessary gifts as you patiently anticipate the day when our Liberator, the Lord Jesus, is revealed. Until that final day, He will preserve you, and on that day, He will consider you faultless. Count on this: God is faithful and in His faithfulness called you into an intimate relationship with His Son, our Lord Jesus, the Liberating King.
How often to we feel ill-equipped. I've found myself saying "Yeah.. God.. about that, I don't know.." and not huge things, but little ones.
I think it comes back to trust. I need to trust in His faithfulness. I need to relinquish my desire to understand and know ahead of time what He wants me to be doing or how He's going to be using me.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
remade
Woke up with this song in my head. I've thought of it a lot lately. I've felt a bit unengaged with life again in the last few weeks. Sleeping a lot.. just kind of dragging. But I got a kick in my butt early this week that has shown me [again] that life goes on, with or without me participating in it. And I have some fantastically beautiful things in my life, and they deserve to have my all. And I deserve to experience all that God has placed in my life.
Final thought: Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes you see why later, sometimes never. But I thank God that He has His plan figured out for me and is piecing it together. Pain and all. I couldn't have planned it the way He has.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Love Wins
Finished Love Wins last night. Whoa. So good.
Here are my thoughts from the top of my head after finishing it. (I sent this to the pastor who wanted to discuss it with me as well).
I loved it. I found it insightful, thought-provoking, freeing, hopeful, and more.
I think open discussion is key and putting people in boxes gets us nowhere.
I think that people are threatened because what he posits challenges the religious dogma that many have come to embrace and force on others for fear of hell, when we're called to embrace life.
He believes in heaven and hell, here and later.
He believes in choice and is not universalist.
The reality is, hell could be empty. God could win everyone over. We don't know a person's heart in this life, at their dying breath, or in the next life. Rob raises the question of post-mortem decisions. That's where his ultimate statement comes from is that in the end love wins people over. That God could reconcile everyone to Himself post-mortally. And really, the God I love and trust is big enough to do ANYTHING, including that.
He doesn't go against what I've learned in the Bible, but challenges statements that have been made that are culturally-bound and are not necessarily from the Bible or have been taken out of context.
That all being said, we all have biases. I went into this biased because I very much enjoy his books and I have learned and come to see God in an expanded and wonderful way. And I know in my heart and my relationship with God that what I've come to believe is not misleading.
There are things that he said that challenged me to think and pray about what I believe. I'm learning as I go, which I think anyone is, and I trust God to lead my heart to the right conclusions or leave it open to possibilities where there are no conclusions. Reading this book has inspired me to dig deeper into the Bible and look at the context of what was taking place when it was written and to look deep at my faith, which has been a wonderful experience.
As I've been reading a lot lately, I've learned that the key to reading Christian or faith-based books etc is discernment. Knowing that no book outside of the Bible is God's Word and that humans write imperfectly. Obviously not every book out there is truth. I pray and trust God to give me discernment as I am reading books so as to know what I accept as truth and what to question instead.
Rob's theology doesn't need to be anyone else's. I still sleep at night knowing that I don't agree with some writers who tens of thousands of people revere. I think this life is full of questions that we won't get answers to until we see God in Heaven. But for now we should be able to discuss them without symbolically excommunicating each other.
That's my 2 cents. He's coming to town on Monday and I'm excited to hear him speak.
Here are my thoughts from the top of my head after finishing it. (I sent this to the pastor who wanted to discuss it with me as well).
I loved it. I found it insightful, thought-provoking, freeing, hopeful, and more.
I think open discussion is key and putting people in boxes gets us nowhere.
I think that people are threatened because what he posits challenges the religious dogma that many have come to embrace and force on others for fear of hell, when we're called to embrace life.
He believes in heaven and hell, here and later.
He believes in choice and is not universalist.
The reality is, hell could be empty. God could win everyone over. We don't know a person's heart in this life, at their dying breath, or in the next life. Rob raises the question of post-mortem decisions. That's where his ultimate statement comes from is that in the end love wins people over. That God could reconcile everyone to Himself post-mortally. And really, the God I love and trust is big enough to do ANYTHING, including that.
He doesn't go against what I've learned in the Bible, but challenges statements that have been made that are culturally-bound and are not necessarily from the Bible or have been taken out of context.
That all being said, we all have biases. I went into this biased because I very much enjoy his books and I have learned and come to see God in an expanded and wonderful way. And I know in my heart and my relationship with God that what I've come to believe is not misleading.
There are things that he said that challenged me to think and pray about what I believe. I'm learning as I go, which I think anyone is, and I trust God to lead my heart to the right conclusions or leave it open to possibilities where there are no conclusions. Reading this book has inspired me to dig deeper into the Bible and look at the context of what was taking place when it was written and to look deep at my faith, which has been a wonderful experience.
As I've been reading a lot lately, I've learned that the key to reading Christian or faith-based books etc is discernment. Knowing that no book outside of the Bible is God's Word and that humans write imperfectly. Obviously not every book out there is truth. I pray and trust God to give me discernment as I am reading books so as to know what I accept as truth and what to question instead.
Rob's theology doesn't need to be anyone else's. I still sleep at night knowing that I don't agree with some writers who tens of thousands of people revere. I think this life is full of questions that we won't get answers to until we see God in Heaven. But for now we should be able to discuss them without symbolically excommunicating each other.
That's my 2 cents. He's coming to town on Monday and I'm excited to hear him speak.
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