inward

"Each man had only one genuine vocation - to find the way to himself....His task was to discover his own destiny - not an arbitrary one - and to live it out wholly and resolutely within himself. Everything else was only a would-be existence, an attempt at evasion, a flight back to the ideals of the masses, conformity and fear of one's own inwardness." --Hermann Hesse

savor it

"Be easy about it. Don't rush into things. Savor them more. Make more plans and be more deliberate and specific about the plans you are making, and in all you do, let your dominant intent be to find that which pleasures you as you imagine it. Let your desire for pleasure and your desire for feeling good be your only guiding light. As you seek those thoughts that feel good, you will always be in vibrational harmony with the Energy that is your Source. And under those conditions, only good can come to you -- and only good can come from you."

- Esther Abraham-Hicks

now

"How to be at peace now? By making peace with the present moment. The present moment is the field on which the game of life happens. It cannot happen anywhere else. Once you have made peace with the present moment, see what happens, what you can do or choose to do, or rather what life does through you. There are three words that convey the secret of the art of living, the secret of all success and happiness: One With Life. Being one with life is being one with Now. You then realize that you don't live your life, but life lives you. Life is the dancer, and you are the dance."

- Eckhart Tolle

whose approval?

This isn't about living a life just for me, but it is about living in integrity. And if I lived by other people's opinions, I would totally lose myself.

We have to step into our power and know that other people will disagree. And our job is to send them Love anyway. We must have a strong foundation in who we are and our purpose so that nothing in the world can shake our resolve. We must make our own approval more important than the approval of the world, because only YOU can live your life.

The Daily Love 10.28.12

"That's the risk you take if you change: that people you've been involved with won't like the new you. But other people who do will come along."

- Lisa Alther, author.

"In every crisis there is a message. Crises are nature's way of forcing change - breaking down old structures, shaking loose negative habits so that something new and better can take their place."

- Susan Taylor, writer and journalist.

"I have not ceased being fearful, but I have ceased to let fear control me. I have accepted fear as a part of life - specifically the fear of change, the fear of the unknown; and I have gone ahead despite the pounding in my heart that says: turn back, turn back, you'll die if you venture too far."

- Erica Jong, author and teacher.

 

living in the maybe

Instead of demanding what we want and wanting it now, can we ask The Uni-verse for what we want, and then let go? Can we rest in the peace of the moment knowing we are provided for and that the perfect thing, which is probably better than what we asked for in the first place, will show up?

Do we really have the faith to live the maybe? Or better put, can we see that the delays of The Uni-verse are not Its denials? Can we let go and let things unfold naturally?

The Truth is that the perfect outcome will happen. My Mom told my Father yes; but if she had said no, he would have gotten the Truth and been able to move on to find a woman who loved him and could go the distance.

Ask for the emotional sobriety and peace of mind to be okay living the maybes. Get comfortable in the in-between. Know that delays are not denials and have fun in the moment, in the mean time, as it evolves into an ever better version of reality.

The Daily Love 8.29.2012

0% vs. 10% vs. 90% vs. 100%

The Daily Love August 17, 2012
 
I have a question: In your ideal scene for a partner, do you imagine him or her being in another relationship or not available to you emotionally? If that is what you would put on your vision board, then yes, this is the person for you. But chances are, none of us would ever want to be with an emotionally unavailable person.

So why do we choose to do this? I've been addicted to emotionally unavailable people before and it totally sucks.

'Cuz the 10% of the Love and attention we are getting helps us feel less shitty. Without that 10% Love, we would get 0% Love, and 10% is better than 0%. And deep down we have a fear that we don't deserve Love, and that we must hold on to this small amount we are getting from someone who isn't even really available to us.

On paper, 10% seems better than 0%, if 0% is your reference point. But you see, The Uni-verse wants us to be FULFILLED. That doesn't mean 100% happy all the time, but what it does mean is that It wants us to FULLY experience the ups and downs of a relationship with an emotionally available person. This means the feeling of 100% Love is possible, with hopefully an average around 90% most of the time. When our reference point is 90-100% of the Love you want, why oh why would we put up with 10%? Easy - 'cuz we are scared of the unknown and assume the worst. We don't think highly of ourselves when we are in that frame of mind, and we are operating from low self-esteem and a lack consciousness. So we cling to 10% for dear life.

Today I would like to invite us to set a new standard and to let go of the 10% and let ourselves drift into the scary unknown. It is the promise of Love that if we let ourselves go into the unknown, work on ourselves and become the Love we are seeking, that IT will FIND US. Yup, that's right. But we have to go through the dark night of our fears, dive deep into our insecurities, feel the pain of them and then bring the Light of our awareness to them. We humbly ask The Uni-verse to remove our low self-esteem day by day and ask It to show us what Love is. Our goal is to Love ourselves as we are Loved by The Uni-verse, which is a lot. This kind of Love Loves our light and our dark and is constantly purifying the darkness into light.

As we do this, we desire to put up with less bull, and instead embrace a higher standard for Love. And as we embrace this higher standard, we WILL be sent someone who meets that higher standard, not in our time, but in the perfect time.

So, can you let go today? Can you let go of that measly 10% and step out into the unknown? I know it's scary, but in that unknown are your dreams and that BIG LOVE that you want. 

Dear God, PLEASE help me live this. Because I'm really having a hard time right now.

relationship quotes

Whoa, these are good.

"An argument is always about what has been made more important than the relationship."

- Hugh Prather

"However good or bad you feel about your relationship, the person you are with at this moment is the "right" person, because he or she is the mirror of who you are inside."

- Deepak Chopra

"An intimate relationship does not banish loneliness. Only when we are comfortable with who we are can we truly function independently in a healthy way, can we truly function within a relationship. Two halves do not make a whole when it comes to a healthy relationship: it takes two wholes."

- Patricia Fry

"Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take."

- Tony Robbins

TDL good ones

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions"
- Rainer Maria Rilke

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we know and see our own value, we will attract people who do, too.

Where does this start? Outside of us? NO - within. We must claim it. And we learn how to do this by not getting our needs met and learning through pain. That is how we learn. And life is the opposite of school. In school we study and THEN get the test. In life, we get the test and then we learn.

So, let us set a new intention for our relationships: To honor and cherish ourselves and to no longer prove our worth, but accept it. Let's step into letting go of people who do not see our worth, not because we are selfish, but because we now love ourselves enough to let go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Everything you take for granted is a blessing. Everything you fear is a friend in disguise. Everything you want is a part of you. Everything you hate you hate about yourself. Everything you own does not define you. Everything you feel is the only Truth there is to know.

Everything you wish for is already on its way to you. Everything you think creates your life. Everything you seek for you will find. Everything you resist will stick around. Everything you let go of stays if it's supposed to. Everything you need is right where you are.

Every time you bless another your bless yourself. Every time you blame another you lose your power. Every time you think you can, you can. Every time you fall you must get up and try again. Every time you cry you're one tear closer to joy. Every time you ask for forgiveness, all you have to do is forgive yourself.

Everyone you see is your reflection. Everyone you know mirrors you. Everyone wants to be happy. Everyone wants to live in joy. Everyone seeks a higher purpose. Everyone breathes the same breath. Everyone needs love to survive. Everyone has a purpose to fulfill.

Everyone's the same as everyone else. We just get caught up in labels, names, skin color and religion. Everyone's the same as everyone else. No one wants to feel the pain. Everyone's the same as everyone else. Everyone is dying for love to remain."

- Jackson Kiddard

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We don't deny the negative, we just put it in the proper context as being miracles for our own growth.

Many times in the personal growth and spiritual space we can confuse "positive thinking" and "positive denial."

Positive denial can be very destructive. Positive thinking can be very helpful.

As Seekers, the last thing we want to do is put our head in the sand when there is a problem and just "positive think" our way into denial and more pain. So, instead of just always being positive and that positivity being fake, we must also embrace the negative.

In fact, it is when we give voice and healing to the negative thoughts, emotions and situations in our lives that we transform. When we choose to stare at negativity and pain and embrace them as lessons, we begin to shift and change.

If we deny the negative within us, it begins to grow. And if we pretend to think that everything is ok, when it's not - we are no longer living in reality.

Fear and negativity exist for a reason; we must honor them and recognize them, but not dwell on them. Fear is a survival mechanism that keeps us alive and has since we were first created!

A toxic relationship is negative. But when we look closer at our own decisions, we begin to see how we contributed to the toxic relationship and, as a result, how we brought the negativity and toxicity on ourselves. In this way, we begin to learn from the toxic and negative outcomes and then alter our behavior. Negative situations point us to greater understanding of ourselves and, with awareness give us the amazing power of choice where we empower ourselves to learn from the negativity and make a new choice.

Being negative isn't bad - and it doesn't mean you are a bad person... It's normal, natural and there for us to LEARN from. Negativity is just as much a natural part of life as positivity. To live in either extreme only is living a life out of balance!

This idea can be expanded into every area of your life. We can learn from fear, toxicity and negativity and turn them into a positive and joyful outcome when we realize that they are teachers and not final outcomes.

There is DEEP wisdom within our fear and negative thoughts, once we stop making ourselves wrong for having them, we can learn from them and become even wiser for it!
 

The Daily Love 7.28.2012

This means - honoring our emotions. Learning from them. Not making them wrong. Not making ourselves wrong for always needing to learn. Not making ourselves wrong for not always getting it right. Not making ourselves wrong for our mistakes. Not making ourselves wrong for having our dark side and fear - NO.

RATHER, it is about accepting, loving and knowing that all these things are what make us human. And when we LOVE, ACCEPT and EMBRACE these, we raise our vibration (that is to say, feel better) and that new vibration emanates OUTWARD into the world and people can FEEL IT, instead of needing to PROVE anything. 

Top Ten Rules for Being Human

 
Rule One - You will receive a body. Whether you love it or hate it, it's yours for life, so accept it. What counts is what's inside.

Rule Two - You will be presented with lessons. Life is a constant learning experience, which every day provides opportunities for you to learn more. These lessons are specific to you, and learning them 'is the key to discovering and fulfilling the meaning and relevance of your own life'.

Rule Three - There are no mistakes, only lessons. Your development towards wisdom is a process of experimentation, trial and error, so it's inevitable things will not always go to plan or turn out how you'd want. Compassion is the remedy for harsh judgment - of ourselves and others. Forgiveness is not only divine - it's also 'the act of erasing an emotional debt'. Behaving ethically, with integrity, and with humour - especially the ability to laugh at yourself and your own mishaps - are central to the perspective that 'mistakes' are simply lessons we must learn.

Rule Four - The lesson is repeated until learned. Lessons repeat until learned. What manifest as problems and challenges, irritations and frustrations are more lessons - they will repeat until you see them as such and learn from them. Your own awareness and your ability to change are requisites of executing this rule. Also fundamental is the acceptance that you are not a victim of fate or circumstance - 'causality' must be acknowledged; that is to say: things happen to you because of how you are and what you do. To blame anyone or anything else for your misfortunes is an escape and a denial; you yourself are responsible for you, and what happens to you. Patience is required - change doesn't happen overnight, so give change time to happen.

Rule Five - Learning does not end. While you are alive there are always lessons to be learned. Surrender to the 'rhythm of life', don't struggle against it. Commit to the process of constant learning and change - be humble enough to always acknowledge your own weaknesses, and be flexible enough to adapt from what you may be accustomed to, because rigidity will deny you the freedom of new possibilities.

Rule Six - "There" is no better than "here". The other side of the hill may be greener than your own, but being there is not the key to endless happiness. Be grateful for and enjoy what you have, and where you are on your journey. Appreciate the abundance of what's good in your life, rather than measure and amass things that do not actually lead to happiness. Living in the present helps you attain peace.

Rule Seven - Others are only mirrors of you. You love or hate something about another person according to what love or hate about yourself. Be tolerant; accept others as they are, and strive for clarity of self-awareness; strive to truly understand and have an objective perception of your own self, your thoughts and feelings. Negative experiences are opportunities to heal the wounds that you carry. Support others, and by doing so you support yourself. Where you are unable to support others it is a sign that you are not adequately attending to your own needs.

Rule Eight - What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. Take responsibility for yourself. Learn to let go when you cannot change things. Don't get angry about things - bitter memories clutter your mind. Courage resides in all of us - use it when you need to do what's right for you. We all possess a strong natural power and adventurous spirit, which you should draw on to embrace what lies ahead.

Rule Nine - Your answers lie inside of you. Trust your instincts and your innermost feelings, whether you hear them as a little voice or a flash of inspiration. Listen to feelings as well as sounds. Look, listen, and trust. Draw on your natural inspiration.

Rule Ten - You will forget all this at birth. We are all born with all of these capabilities - our early experiences lead us into a physical world, away from our spiritual selves, so that we become doubtful, cynical and lacking belief and confidence. The ten Rules are not commandments, they are universal truths that apply to us all. When you lose your way, call upon them. Have faith in the strength of your spirit. Aspire to be wise - wisdom the ultimate path of your life, and it knows no limits other than those you impose on yourself.

- Cherie Carter-Scott

"Oh curious one, do not worry about what may come. You are here to live, to love and to learn every step of the way. You are constantly learning, discovering and becoming anew every moment. You have the full support of your Creator and when you know this all obstacles will fall away and you will join happily the dance of Life! Each moment is precious, no matter what it may contain, savor its flavor and then let it go!"

- Jackson Kiddard

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be."

- Marcel Pagnol

and then it hits me

I really have amazing people in my life.

brand new, within

Seriously. The Daily Love.

"It is very easy to be tricked by the circumstances of the present moment. But, dear seeker, remember that everything changes! Life is an exercise not in adding, but in constantly letting go of what you know and who you think you are and to have the courage to become brand new. When we fixate on the past, we welcome it into our present moment, which keeps the past alive. When you give up the fight, THAT is when you'll take flight!"- Jackson Kiddard

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.'- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Uni-verse is a diverse place and when we celebrate this diversity instead of condemning it - we become more spiritual, that is to say, more Loving. And we begin to hate others less when we hate ourselves less for feeling what we feel. The other way to say it is that we Love others MORE when we begin to Love ourselves and our feelings more.

incongruent

Welp, yet again The Daily Love is exactly what I need to hear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What angers us in another person is more often than not an unhealed aspect of ourselves. If we had already resolved that particular issue,we would not be irritated by its reflection back to us."

- Simon Peter Fuller

The more time I spend on The Path, the more I realize how important it is to tell your truth. Now, the previous sentence, in the hands of a crazy person, is just a prescription for more craziness.

 

There is a difference between telling your truth and saying anything that comes to your mind. Just because you have a thought, doesn't make it your truth. When I say how important it is to tell your truth, I'm not giving you permission to emotionally vomit on everyone you know. No.

 

What I'm talking about is the sacred duty you have to yourself, to The Uni-verse and to those that you Love, to be as honest, truthful and authentic about how you are feeling and what your heart TRULY believes about whatever you are going through.

 

Many of my clients and a lot of the emails that I get share the same theme: people make themselves up to be something they are not to please other people and then wonder where the real Love, passion and magic IS!

 

You can only have the passion, the Love and the magic by being and sharing from your authentic self. When we settle or when we change ourselves to please other people, deep down we no longer cherish, honor and respect ourselves. And then WE TEACH other people how to treat us - by the way that we treat ourselves.

 

It's magic.

 

And here's the thing - if you have people in your life who are not okay with you being your authentic self and living truly from your heart and honoring and cherishing your empowerment, it's best to Love those folks from a far. Don't hold on to people because there is a small pay off of affection and attention because you are afraid nothing better is going to come along! NO!

 

Let them go. If you've never actually BEEN yourself, if you've never actually stepped into your authentic shoes, if you've never actually acted on the true Love that you have for yourself, then of course you won't think the world will bring you anything better - because you never allowed it to in the first place.

 

The Uni-verse can only give us that which we are able to receive, and if you've been settling for crumbs your whole life, then it makes sense to believe there is no feast coming. But that's total BULL. There IS a feast of Love and passion and magic available to you. But you first have to BE YOURSELF FULLY before that kind of rawness can find you.

 

And by the way, if someone doesn't accept you for who you are, WHY OH WHY are you holding on to him or her? You deserve Love. You deserve joy. You deserve the BEST that The Uni-verse and Life has to offer - so start treating yourself as if you do!

 

Who can you let go of today? How can you express your authentic self today? Who in your life can you accept more of today?

ambiguous

So I'm sitting here in a coffee shop, reading an article called: Ambiguous Loss After Lesbian Couples With Children Break Up: A Case for Same-Gender Divorce

And some random, older man says something about looking stuck or something and comes over and asks what I'm reading and I show him.

He says "What's ambiguous' mean?" and I said "Not having a clear meaning."

He said, "You have to write a paper on this?" I said, "I'm going to school to be a therapist, so I'm reading it as part of my multicultural therapy class."

He motions to the article and says, "What do you think about all of that? You know, will all the politics and stuff now, you know.. like.." .. insinuating something about wondering how I feel about people who are gay/lesbian/queer.. and I said "I have no problem with it." He said, "So you're accepting of them" and I said "Yeah, I think it's just fine. I think people should be happy." He said, "So you think people should just be happy, and whatever makes them happy." and I said, "Yeah, more or less."

Then he said, "How do you feel about spiritual issues.. I mean, are you spiritual? Do you practice a religion?" and I said "Yes." He said, "Which?" and I said, "I'm Christian."

He said, "What do you think the Bible says about it?" I said, "I don't think the Bible specifically mentions homosexuality, I think it's something people have read into it."

He said, "Do you know what the term 'reprobate mind' means?" (which, I did not) so I said. "Will you tell me?" and he said, "It's in the Bible that God allowed men to be with men, and women to be with women, but then they were of 'reprobate mind' meaning they knew nothing and were just kind of.. dull." I said, "Okay." and he just kind of nodded, as if he had made his point.

I'm not in an arguing mood.. but I did a little research.. and here's what I found. And now I'm in an arguing mood.

REPROBATE MIND
Part 1.

Reprobate means one who fails the test and is rejected, one whom God has rejected.
He rejects for being impure, not meeting his standards. ( Jerm.6:30) "Rejected Silver"

I. MAIN CAUSE OF REPROBATE MINDS

1. NOT HAVING CHRIST (Read 2 Cor 13:3-5)
a. Not believing the existing proof, such as the bible
b. Not listening to those whom evangelize to you
c. Not being strong in your weakness
d. Not examining yourselves "spiritual check ups"
e. There should be a awareness of Christ's presence and power in our lives
f. If were not actively seeking to get closer to God then were actively getting further

2. REJECTING THE FAITH ( Read 2 Tim 3:8)
a. Counterfeit religion* similar but not biblical
b. "Depraved" minds* to be corrupt, immoral , non religious intentionally
c. Distinct difference* Good vs. Evil

3. SPIRITUAL AWARENESS ( Read Heb. 6:7-8)
a. Paul used a parable to express spirituality
b. Unproductive Christian lives-spiritual bareness
c. Life that bears no fruit
d. Make sure your life is fruitful

4. LACK OF DISCIPLINE ( Read 1 Cor 9:24-27)
a. No spiritual training-exercising faith
b. No discipline
c. Paul stayed free of philosophies or materialism so he could stay focused on his
Christian service and spirituality
d. Freedom and discipline work together
e. Prayer, bible study, worship strengthen us
f. Must have spiritual progress

5. REJECTION BY GOD (Read Jer. 6:30)
a. God can reject whom he chooses whenever and however he deems, hes God!
b. Grace can run out
c. When tested are you found to be pure?
d. Reprobates aren't willing to rid impurities from their lives, and are not willing
to do whatever it takes to please God

II. EVIL LEADS TO

A. Sinful Desires and Actions- Read Romans 1:21-32
a. They knew God but they rejected him
b. God abandoned them to their desires
c. As a result of their sins they suffered
d. Sinful desires and actions can lead to a reprobate mind

B. Delusions- Read 2 Thess. 2:11-12
a. When you choose to believe lies God will allow you to be deceived
b. When you refuse to accept the truth and refuse to love, God has no choice but to
allow what you deserve
c. God allows you to sin even more to hasten your judgment
( Ex.11:10) GOD IS IN CONTROL!

C. Spiritual Blindness- Read Matt 13:13-15
a, When people rejected Christ their hearts where hardened so any understanding they
did have is now useless
b. Hardness of the heart was prophesied in the beginning
c. Rejection of Jesus leads to a reprobate mind

D. Our Actions- Read 2 Peter 2:9-22
a. vs. 9 KEEPING WICKED UNDER PUNISHMENT, until final judgment ( reprobates)
b. Especially hard on those whom:
1. Sexually immoral
2. Despise authority without fear
c. Pride and arrogance, no respect for angels
d. False teachings, unthinking animals
e. Scoffers of things not understood
f. Love to indulge in evil in the daylight
g. Delight in deception, even as they fellowship
h. Commit adultery with their eyes, desire for sin- never satisfied
I. Lure unstable people to sin, well trained in greed
J. Love to earn money in doing wrong
k. Braggers and Boasters
l. Use sex to lure to sin
m. Slave to whatever controls them

NOTE: These actions lead to destruction, and are all characteristics of a reprobate mind.
( Or a false christian)

YOU CAN ONLY BE A REPROBATE IF YOU WERE 1st a CHRISTIAN, OR EXPOSED TO THE TRUTH....

COPYRIGHT 2010 TBM NATIONAL
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED


Dude, you aren't being Jesus. You're wrong. And you're missing out on a whole lot of people to love like Jesus loved.

End Rant.

transitions

I'm feeling a major time of transition at this point in my life.

Here I am, looking up how to become a family mediator. Changes are happening at work (facilitated by me) to change what I do and pass on the administrative program duties to a good friend of mine within the agency. I will have the opportunity to start up my own children's support group (exciting! and terrifying!) and take on other projects for the organization.

While I'm very excited to be moving forward to new challenges, I'm also very sad. It's an interesting feeling because all of this change is being brought into my life because I chose it. No one told me I had to change what I do. I just had this feeling about a month ago that I wanted to start a children's group and I wanted to no longer being doing the day-to-day duties that I've been doing for 5 years. And I'm quite excited to not be paying attention to all those details anymore, but sad because I don't like change and I've got such a good system worked out for the program. My sanity is saved because I'll be training my successor who I know very well and she is as detail-oriented as I am so she will be just fine. It's more the unknown that I feel uneasy about.

But if I can find the excitement in it.. Because it's there.

The desire being planted in my heart to start a kid's support group...
The desire being planted in my heart to become a family mediator (possibly even during grad school, through a separate program)

Just all of this desire to move on, move forward..

It's being facilitated in part because at the end of April I'm hitting my 5 year anniversary at work. It feels like a good time, a good substantial amount of time invested in it and just a good turning point for the next step.

It's one of those things where you know it's totally right, and yet it feels.. unsettled.

I have no doubt it's the right thing, but I have moments where I want to hold on to what I have right now with such white knuckles because it's what I know and it's what's safe.

But sometimes you have to let go to really move forward into new, good possibilities.

potential

"You have all you need within you to become the best version of yourself. Anything that inspires you is an outward reflection of the potential within you. Cultivate in your own life, in your own way, the qualities and greatness you see in others and pretty soon you will be living a life that is your personal version of greatness. Your work is to apply yourself everyday and don't look back."

- Jackson Kiddard

forgetting

Sometimes I forget this.

Okay, I forget this a lot. Especially lately.

Not that I forget that I have it, I love that I have it.

I forget the meaning. The truth.

Sometimes I feel terribly unlovable. But more importantly, terribly unloved. 

And in a way that people in my life can't fill. And I think that's the point.

It's a God-shaped emptiness. 

But it's a not seeing it, on my part. A mild turning-away. A forgetting. A not-acknowledging. Not living in it. Not accepting it. 

A going through the motions. A to do list life. 

I've found myself at this place many times before. Days become cumbersome to themselves. Everything is a task and I'm not getting enough checked off. Every conversation is a chore. Making plans? Forget it. 

I'm not sure exactly what I need to break this, but it's been taken care of in the past, so I know it will again. 

But I need to remember. Unending love, amazing grace. I never earned it. It's not about my worth then, now, or ever. In every situation, it's there. And I get to choose to live in it. Breathe it in.

subtle uneasiness

"What does patience feel like? It's a subtle unfolding with time as your ally. You feel relaxed and trust that it will all work out, even if in this very moment, there's no clear path to the end. It feels like the subtle uneasiness of allowing all you're uncomfortable with to be exactly as it is."
- Jackson Kiddard