So. I got a little fired up again today. Aforementioned former youth pastor posted on my fb wall today, a really poorly and abruptly moderated interview with Rob Bell. This as part of his justification of why he "struggles" with the book (that he hasn't read).
I got so... angry? Frustrated? These negative emotions and actually feeling them is still semi-foreign to me so naming them is hard. I can tell you my heart started to race, I felt my face get a little hot, my shoulders got tense, and I probably made a really ugly-looking face (which isn't hard for me, it runs in my family.. women with faces that are difficult to read and usually don't match our emotions).. That was my reaction.
I was walking home from the hardware store at the time when I saw that he posted it so I watch the video when I got home. But all the walk home I was fuming (now understand, "fuming" for me is quite subdued I think compared to others). But I got to thinking about it.. and as a pastor, I am going to be challenged and disagreed with A LOT. This is just the beginning. AND, he doesn't even know that I disagree, well I suppose he does since I posted a link about the book and said I was excited to read it.. but I never said that I've read it and agreed. Interesting distinction.
Anyway. I got to thinking.. Who can I call to talk through this before I react? Sometimes I can react too quickly and not completely think through what I am thinking/feeling before I say something. I thought I needed some guidance to this. I feel like short of my friends (who pretty much either believe almost exactly what I do or don't really believe in God so this hasn't really come up) I don't really have someone who would disagree and voice it about something in our mutual faith world. And this situation is especially troublesome because there is a history with him, as knowing him for 10+ years and him still being at the church my parents go to and whatnot. So there are politics involved. Oh and not to mention it's on fb and quite public. There's a lot going into the thought behind how to respond (or not respond).
So as I'm thinking, who should I talk to, it struck me. DUH. Talk to God. Come on Tamara. Talk about ultimate guidance.
So I did something that has felt VERY powerful in the last few months. I kneeled beside my bed, with my hands outstretched and open and just had a lovely chat with God. Mind you, in the last few months the talks haven't all been lovely.. most have involved bawling and some yelling. But this one was rather great. Crying out to God feels pretty amazing. The fact that we can have direct communication with the God of the Universe astounds me.
And He gave me a peace. It's not about one man's opinion. This youth pastor's or Rob Bell's. Truth is truth. God reveals truth. Does he use men and women to do that? Sure. Does He still today? Sure. And He gives us discernment as to what is His truth and what is not. If we can't trust Him to do that, we've put Him in quite a tiny box and I think that is incredibly unfortunate.
My question back to him was simple: Have you read the book?
With that, I let it go. I went about my day. I will not let another person's (ahem biased and incorrect (oh wait did I say that?)) opinion control my demeanor toward others or my outlook on the day. No one deserves that power. I used to love to give people that power without realizing it. Now THAT is not living.
He wrote a response about how busy he is with Seminary reading (oh dropping a line about how you're becoming a great master of the Word) but intends to read it. But that from the excerpts He's read and commentary, he said he knows the premise of the book. He then wrote a quote from an email he sent to someone in his church regarding the book (and he included her name, and I know her, I think he should have omitted that).. but the interesting thing is I don't disagree with most of what he said. That being said, the things he's saying about the book (I think) should be entirely dismissed because he has not read the book.
I think I ... fairly respectfully summed my ideas up in my response:
"With all due respect to you and others who haven't read the book and made comments about it, I don't think it's right to judge a book by it's cover and certainly not from piecing it together or possibly biased commentary (some of the blogs ...have been outright hate-filled). It's one person's theology, it doesn't have to be yours [you or society collective]. I don't think anyone on this earth today has the be-all-end-all truth that they can write in a book and we should all follow (short of the Bible and that wasn't written by someone in this world today, March 23, 2011), and we shouldn't elevate a person to that standing. That said, I think asking some difficult questions is important and we should all think about what we believe or don't believe, and shouldn't be so threatened by one man saying that he might believe something that you don't agree with. I'm sick of Christians being so hateful toward one another because they interpret something differently. It sets a very poor example of what being a Christian is about. "Oh look at those Christians, they even hate their own kind, how do you think they feel about people who don't believe in Christ?" Yup, so that's a rant. Long story short, I'm in the middle of reading the book and so far he's saying some very thought-provoking statements about what we have understood about heaven and hell and I might not agree with it in the end, or I might, but I think it's a great opportunity to think."
I mean, good heavens. If we based what we thought about books from a few excerpts and commentary, who would want to read the Bible??? Anyone can bend anything in the direction that they want to. Pick out the excerpts in the Bible about the law and God's judgment and wrath and have someone read those and then think "Wow, what a great book, I'd love to read the rest of it." Please.
Okay, wow. I realize this is intense and maybe I should have kept it on my private blog but it's honest, and real. And I don't think I'm saying anything new or controversial. And you know what, even if I was, so be it. Let's stir up some controversy. Let's shake loose some of the cobwebs that have settled in our minds. We don't all have to agree. There will never be a consensus about everything. That's part of the beauty of being created as individuals. And for goodness sake, if someone is saying that God is loving, why wouldn't we want to believe that?
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Addendum 3/25/2011:
After I posted this and kept thinking about it, I realized it was still a bit reactionary and maybe not the place to have this kind of dialogue. I'm not sure how I feel about it. That being said, from the get-go I said this blog would be uncensored (no going back and taking things out).. so here it will stay.
But I don't want to be a person who rags on other people who feel differently than me. Ultimately, I was upset that this pastor felt differently about something that he hadn't actually read himself. My real frustration was with just that, that he hadn't read it and was making claims about it. It's something that has frustrated me about the cultural landscape around this book this entire time. I guess having it hit so close to home really brought up some strong feelings for me.
In the end, he ended up saying that it was a fair assessment and he needs to read the book. That he likes to have discussions and wishes that Christians could do that more often without being hateful. He asked me to let him know what I thought of the book. I intend to, and that could be interesting. Or maybe it will just be a discussion where we agree to disagree. I'm not done with the book so I can't give a fair assessment of what I think yet.
And even better yet, this back and forth discussion with this pastor spurred a conversation with my brother. He asked me who the jerk was on fb (now that is censored..) and I explained briefly what it was about, and he knows the pastor too and shared his feelings about him. (I'm not here to degrade the character of this pastor, my goodness, not by any means. I can disagree with someone and not think less of them as a human being).
So I explained to my brother some of the discourse that is going on in the Christian community. I explained a little about the book and how it's shaken some people up and they feel threatened (or that their dogma is threatened). I explained that Jesus calls us to love others, not hate them. He said that he can't stand religion because he's been told he's going to hell because he isn't a "lemming" (his words). It broke my heart.
I have friends who have been told at some point in their life that they are going to hell for one reason or another (which, they aren't). I fortunately have not been told that. Through no accomplishment of my own, it just hasn't happened (yet? maybe someday?). A friend of mine (actually the one who brought me to youth group and was like a sister to me for many years) was told she was going to hell because she didn't speak in tongues. That's what I'm talking about.. outrageous.
So my brother and I. I explained to him that religion is about rules, faith is about freedom. Jesus didn't come to just make the law more strong, He came to fulfill it. We are called to love one another. I told him I agree, religion and thinking that you have to give up your mind or your individual uniqueness only to follow-suit is bad. He said "No, I know. You get it. Just keep doing what you're doing." I let him know I plan on it.
It touched my heart. And it hurt a lot too. It aches that someone has hurt him so much that he feels like he can't have any part of it, that he doesn't want to have any part of it. He's been on my heart the last couple of months. I pray that I might be a light to him. That I can show him what Jesus is really all about. That life with God is so fulfilling, so amazing, nothing like what it is without him. That it's not just about where he spends eternity after he dies, but how he can have abundant life now. Lord, please use me.
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